Monday, April 17, 2006

Misery Loves Company

I never grasped the full, undiluted meaning of this phrase until today. And now that I have grasped it, I know just how to conquer it. No more am I going to let the shit that has been pissing me off for the past few weeks continue to piss me off. No more am I going to stomp out of the house and sit on the stoop with a bottle of water and a cigarette, bitching and moaning about 'what could have been.' I am an advocate for getting off your ass and doing something about it so why am I sitting here making myself miserable? I had a sort of a revelation today: Shit only happens if you let it. Meaning, misery is only going to follow your ass if you want it to. All this time I've been wishing and hoping and praying that things could be different. Shoulda, coulda woulda, but didn't. So why dwell on what I can't change? I'm not the type that believes in fate or destiny. I'm a firm believer in the "shit happens" theory. (I'm sorry, I never have been big on all that predetermination shit.) I started penning this thinking about what I didn't have, now I'm penning this thinking about what I do have, and what I will have. I'm going to be an author. I have a book coming out, Lord willin, by the end of this year. I have a place to live, friends and family that love me, clean clothes on my back, a roof over my head, a drink in one hand and a loosie in the other. I couldn't be happier. What the fuck am I complaining about? Sure, shit could be different. But I realize just how much time I've spent letting the little shit get in the way of my success and prosperity. I've wasted a lot of time giving a fuck. I mean, a whole lot of time. I ain't worryin about nobody but mama from this day forward. I'm going back to the way I used to be. If you can't do anything for me, you're of no use to me. Keep yourself first and all other bullshit second. Be about your money and your business and all that other good shit. No more of that stopping to think of your fellow man. Hell no, that's the end of that. From this day forward, the bitch is back and she ain't takin no prisoners.
On a much lighter note, to the folks that have been calling me and haven't received an answer, don't fret, I haven't forgotten about you. Here's a mini update:
-I need to have the first draft of this book to my company by May 1st. Now seeing that things around here haven't been tip top lately, I'm not going to be able to do that (unless I seriously bust my hump) so I'm asking for an extension. I will keep you posted on the progress of Stripped as it becomes available to me.
-Yes, I did go to the interview on Friday. It was supposed to be a group interview with sixteen people present but it rained really hard all day long and just me and this one other dude showed up. There was a second interview the day after and the manager told me that as soon as my background check came back clear (which it should because as much as I want to kill someone I haven't actually been able to) I would be clear. So I'm very optimistic about that, although I'm not holding my breath cuz ya'll know how I am. If I do end up getting the job you people will not see me very often as the job requires me to work from 10pm to 6am. Yeah, graveyard shift, for real.
-Spoke to L, albeit briefly. *Sigh* You can't get what you want all of the time but you can get some of what you want some of the time.
-Remember I said I was going to sit down and compile my list of my five favorite movies of all time? I finally sat down and thought about it and came to the conclusion that they all happen to star my favorite actor, Kevin Spacey. (Usual Suspects, American Beauty, LA Confidential, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and Se7en) Go figure.
-If you try to call me on Thursday and don't get through, my phone is off. Yeah, that bill didn't quite get paid, so um... Yeah...It should be back though so if you have my home number, feel free to use it. If you don't, well you're just not that important are you?


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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take and may this song play all the way, through. And if it skip a beat, hit repeat, this the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. If it skip a beat, hit repeat, This the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. -Juelz Sanatana, This Is Me, What The Game's Been Missing