How Desperate Are You?

It makes me laugh sometimes.
It really has me in stitches that people so desperately wish for what they cannot have. They aren't making a move to get it and yet they sit there and pine over it like a sick puppy over its lost mother. They throw temper tantrums and have conniptions when they think someone is getting what they think they should have.
I'm glad I got that off my chest. I'd been up thinking about it all night. Little things like jealousy and hate are so taxing. Why waste so much time trying to be something you're not? Or trying to get something you'll never have? Just let it go. Go back to what you were doing before and move on. There will be plenty of other chances and even if there aren't, you can always find another way to spend your time.
Now before I get violently upset and keep this post going on for more than a page, I'm going to change the subject. My sister and I were having an in depth discussion a few moments ago. She's so nosey its sad. She started springing me with 20 Questions earlier this morning after repeatedly peeking over my shoulder to try and follow my chat as best she could. I would paraphrase but the extended version is so much better:
Nylazia: (face buried in a XXL magazine) How long you gone be on there? I wanna check my mail.
Jacki: How bout you go home?
N: This is my home. You know you love me.
J: I do love you. It's my computer and I get off when I want to.
N: Stink. You still talkin?
J: What do you think?
N: Damn, you been talkin to the nigga all night. You f*ckin him or somethin?
J: I'm not sure that's any of your business.
N: It is my business.
J: How?
N: Cuz I tell you my business. So I wanna know yours.
J: Whatever.
silence.....and then....
N: You like him?
J: I wouldn't be talking to him if I didn't.
N: (lowers the magazine) Why you gotta be so fresh?
J: Why you gotta be all in my sh*t?
N: Cuz I love you. So you f*ckin him or not?
J: (laughs) His roommate asked him the same thing.
N: That's not answering my question.
J: I wish.
N: You wish? How long you been talkin to him and you aint f*ckin him?
J: Number one, I'm not you. Number two he's in Philly.
N: (lifts magazine) Long distance dick? What's wrong with the niggas here?
J: Think about JL and ask that again.
N: True. You goin to see him?
J: He's supposed to be coming up here.
N: When?
J: Hopefully January.
N: You gone f*ck him then?
(Sidebar: My sister is a nymphomaniac if you haven't already figured it out. Every other sentence out of her mouth is pertaining to sex. She's a diehard Zane fan, practically memorized every word of all her books. No redeeming qualities but for the fact that she knows every position of the Kama Sutra. The fact that she has never been and probably never will be in love (nor a one woman man) is why other peoples sex lives (not relationships) are so important to her.)
J: Does it matter?
N: Yes.
J: Why?
N: When's the last time you got some?
J: (laughs)
N: Exactly. He likes you?
J: Yes.
N: How you know?
J: He said so.
N: So what?
J: I don't think he would lie like that.
N: He's a man.
J: All men aren't the same.
N: Yes they are. All men lie, all men cheat, all men are dogs.
J: It's that kind of thinking that has you alone on Friday nights with a Jack Rabbit.
N: F*ck you bitch.
J: Ya mama.
N: I'm tellin.
J: Go head.
silence...pages turning...and then...
N: He got a girl?
J: Yea.
N: (sits up) For real?
J: As far as I know yes.
N: You gone f*ck him anyway?
J: Will you get off that?
N: You want to?
J: Love to.
N: even though he got a girl?
J: That'll change eventually.
N: You jinxin her?
J: No I'm just saying.
N: You like him like that?
J: I do.
N: So you gone do some Hollywood sh*t and take his ass?
J: No dumb ass. We probably won't anyway.
N: Why you say?
J: I don't think he's a cheater.
N: The way ya'll be talkin I thought he was just f*ckin a bunch of bitches.
J: I did too. He's not like that.
N: Yeah right.
J: You don't know him.
N: He's a man. What more do I need to know?
J: Whatever.
N: You talk to him on the phone?
J: Now and then.
N: He got a nice voice?
J: Does he.
N: What ya'll talk about?
J: A little bit of everything.
N: Can I ask a question?
J: Go head.
N: Are you gone f*ck him or not?
J: Lock the door on your way out.
I love her to death as you can see. We kind of lost touch within the past year but she tries to come around as often as possible. She's moving to Cali in a little while and I'll be damned if I'm going out there. Florida was a strtch. Cali? Not a chance.
My eldest brother, whom I affectionately refer to as the Flamingo, is trying to get me to come see Rent with him. I'd rather fall into a boiling lake of lava and have my skin stripped from my body by egrets. He ran the soundtrack into the ground when the play came out. Since the soundtrack wasn't all that great I'm not so gung ho about wasting ten perfectly good dollars to see the movie. He lives out in Long Island and I'm going to visit him and my other sister over Thanksgiving. I informed him that if he wanted me to go see that movie, he would have to pay for my boots. (See November 11th) Those are my non-negotiable terms. There was silence on the other line.
That's what I thought.