Thursday, November 03, 2005

Picture Me Rollin

I think I'm pretty good at adaptation.
I should be. Every time I get comfortable I'm uprooted like a weed on a summer day. So now I'm used to moving around and I don't ever actually "settle" anywhere. I thought I would be settling at my publishing company and now I see that is not going to happen. This is turning into one massive headache.
Anyone and everyone who knows me knows that my usual mood is annoyed. I rarely have good days. I used to think people did things to piss me off purposefully. Then I lived a few minutes longer and realized that some folks really have no clue how their actions affect others. It's nteresting how many dumb people there really are in the world.
Where am I getting with this? Nowhere really. Just needed to vent. You ever had someone who could have been in complete control of a certain situation let it all get shot to hell and then blame you? All the while you were totally oblivious because you figured one thing and really thought you were justified in your thinking. I'm not going to get into the particulars, but someone recently had something like this happen to them and had the balls large enough to tell me that I messed them up. If I were the person I used to be I would have been knocking on their door within the next fifteen minutes to punch a hole in their throat. But that's the old me. (That's a bald-faced lie but I'm trying.) The new me just smiled softly and let it go.
I'm really trying to get all this writing done. It's going well IMO. It's just the other things in my life right now that is making it hard for me to concetrate like I would like to. It's really hectic around here right now. What I need is a long ass vaca so I can get my head right. Alright that's more than enough bellyaching.
A very good friend of mine (and ya'll know I don't use that word lightly so I must love this cat) told me today that he thinks I'm a better writer. I can't really agree, his sh*t is phenomenal. But it was a lovely complement and when I hear things like that it makes me proud to be a writer. Knowing that someone can appreciate you in that magnitude is flattering.
I keep thinking to myself about where I am and where I want to be. The two aren't that far apart right now. I'm working on it and I can see my future coming together quite nicely. I don't want a mansion with a DB9 parked out front, nothing like that. I want a CTS parked in front of my brownstone. (Or a loft. I've been really tinking about the whole loft thing lately.) Lots of space for me to move around. I can see the next ten years like they alreayd happened. I know who I am and I know what I want.
And I want to be rollin.


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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take and may this song play all the way, through. And if it skip a beat, hit repeat, this the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. If it skip a beat, hit repeat, This the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. -Juelz Sanatana, This Is Me, What The Game's Been Missing