Saturday, October 29, 2005

Miscellaneous Thoughts: Celebrity Edition

I felt the need to throw my two cents in about what's going on in the celebrity world these days. I mean hey, Entertainment Tonight is doing it.

Speaking of two cents, is it just me or is G-Unit growing wildly out of proportion? Every time I turn around they have a new member. Are they trying to be the new Wu-Tang Clan or....?

I love that they have dubbed the new Hollywood obsession TomKat. That is so cute. Did they get it on like the day they met? She's been over three months. Either that or she gave up crunches and took up Twinkies. "I'm going to be a virgin until I'm married." I said the same thing.

Kate Moss is on crack. Yes, and so is every other pencil thin model in the industry. Like that's news.

Everyone I know is begging me to comment on the Seal/Heidi Klum situation. I plead the fifth. Good luck in raising a happy healthy child. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Does anyone care that Nicolette Sheridan broke off her engagement to what'shisface? Does anyone care about Nicolette Sheridan?

Was I the only one cracking up like a sick hyena when Olivia Newton-John went on TV for an interview about her missing boyfriend?

Can someone PLEASE call me up and explain the Mike Jones thing to me? I really really don't get it. When that song "Back Then" came out, it took over three months for me to finally figure out what he was saying. I couldn't hear past all the crap in his mouth, number one, and I always change the channel when he comes on, number two. What passes for talent these days I will never understand. I blame Lil Jon and the Ignant Boyz for starting it. And everyone that followed in their footsteps. Slim Thug, Paul Wall, Yin Yang Twins, Lil Flip, as a matter of fact, every one of those losers with a mic and a contract below the Mason-Dixon line. (And it's not just Southern rappers either. The North ain't lookin too good right now...)

Britney Spears had her baby. Enough said. I can hear Christina now. "Oh my God he's so cute, I like totally want one."

So Paris Hilton is cutting a rap album. What's the big deal? Webbie did.

JLo wants an Oscar. She figures, hey, it's the least ya'll can do. I won the "let's see how long she can stay married" pot.

Don't you think that if Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were intimidating political figures they'd have been assasinated by now? Jesse Jackson is a sleepy eyed hypocrite with bad inflection and Al Sharpton is the self-appointed cheerleader for the oppressed black man. *Yawn*

Brooke Shields is expecting another baby. What, is she trying to prove to Tom that the psot-partum won't hold her down?

Star, I have the finest tuned GayDar in the tri-state area. I could have told Liza, just like I could have told you.

Who told Ciara she could sing? Oh okay, just got the memo. The same person that told Teirra Marie, Ashanti, Yummy Bingham (WTF?), Olivia, Beyonce, Brandy, Omarion, Ray J, and the old looking chick that just got kicked off MTB3. I was listening to "And I" the other day And I had to getup and change the station. She was killing me.

Why did Sheryl Swoopes feel it was necessary to divulge that personal information? I have nothing against those in the homosexual community but don't you think they are starting to take that whole coming out of the closet bit a little far? Why is everyone going public? (BTW, Denise, you owe me a twenty. I called that whole Jim McGreevey thing from deep.) I don't go on national TV telling people I'm strictly dickly do I? So why do we need to be aware that you bat for the other team? I hate to be the one to say it (and I under no circumstances whatsoever support the harrassment or persecution of a person who leads a homosexual lifestyle) but when you do dumb shut like that, you put yourself on the front lines of whatever war is waged against you. I'm not saying you deserve it, but you are blatantly asking for it. It's sick and sad, but that's the way it is.

Thoughts of A Predicate Felon. I will never get over that. According to Webster, predicate is defined as something that is affirmed or denied of the subject in a proposition in logic. So basically that means pleading the fifth if I'm not wrong. You just got out of jail. How are you not a felon? I was pissed as hell when after months of rocking my FREE YAYO tee I turned on BET eagerly and was greeted with "So Seductive". How about So Stupid? I'm going to start rocking one that says SEND HIM BACK. "You've got mirrors in your pants cuz I see me in em." I wanted to cut my wrists and jump out the window when I heard that. All that time and this is what I've been waiting for? (I still listen to the Bed For Mercy album on a regular basis though.)

UPN (also known in some circles as the Under Paid Nigger Network) has launched Love, Inc. Who told Holly Robinson-Peete that she could act? That show is God awful. That's a fitting punishment. Eat your broccoli before I make you watch Love Inc! And that Cuts? Ohhhh Lord if you love me.....Marques Houston can barely sing. Acting is clearly not his forte. We learned that from You Got Served.
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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take and may this song play all the way, through. And if it skip a beat, hit repeat, this the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. If it skip a beat, hit repeat, This the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. -Juelz Sanatana, This Is Me, What The Game's Been Missing