Monday, October 24, 2005

Keep It To Yourself, It's My Life

I think insane people are the only normal ones.
What I wouldn't give to be in a straight jacket, rocking back and forth, staring out at the sky from my single window in my padded room, doped up beyond belief. Because then I would feel good. (The above statement was not intended to disrespect or mock the plight of any mentally ill person that may read it.)
I'm in a rut right now. I'm most likely going to be searching for a new publisher within the next couple of weeks. My previous is going through some things at the time and I don't know how long I can stick around, frankly, before he goes under. He explained to me at the beginning that he was no Uncle Moneybags, and I understood that. But things happen, and a businesswoman must evolve in order to survive. Pretty much, I've got to haul ass.
Now, people are waiting on me, waiting on this so called book I was supposed to be publishing. They've been looking forward to it, marking the release date on their calendars. And I want to deliver, I do, but it's going to be a little while longer before I can. If I can get out of this vicious circle that I'm in, then things may look a little bit brighter very soon.
(Sidebar: Erin Brockovich is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time.)
Adding to the strain of my own health is my school situation. Which I'm not even going to get into. Then there's my mother's impending hitch date, which I am also not going to get into. The status of my employment, my driver's license and apartment, also things I am not getting into. When the thrill of writing wears off and life begins again, you realize that you've let things pile up and your life has been slipping away slowly as you spend twenty-two hour days at the computer banging out a novel that you assumed would be on bookstore shelves by the 16th of December. (I needed to vent. Thank you for listening. Woosa.)
A friend of mine (with an incredible amount of faith in me, didn't and still doesn't believe I'm as young as I say I am) suggests I submit some work to the company he was recently accepted to. There's only one problem with that. I'm good, he's good. I'm two wings and a biscuit good, he's family meal with two side orders and a liter of Coke good. I'm not quite there yet. I will be, but not yet. I'm working on it. But, everything is worth a shot, I figure. Being the eternal pessimist that I am, I'm not too worried about disappointment because my hopes weren't up in the first place. Why have my fingers crossed for a loud "no"? I'll do it, but only for the halibut.
So I'm going back to the drawing board. Tomorrow I'm going to pace around my apartment with a hefty glass of JW and figure this thing out. I've got it pretty much down pat, I just need to think it all the way through. As soon as I do, I'll be back with a vengeance.


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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take and may this song play all the way, through. And if it skip a beat, hit repeat, this the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. If it skip a beat, hit repeat, This the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. -Juelz Sanatana, This Is Me, What The Game's Been Missing