Saturday, December 24, 2005

Santa Baby

I have a number of things to ask for this year. (As you all know I carry on no love affair with this holiday but I'm going to 'get into the spirit' real quick.)

Dear Santa,
Usually this never happens, you know I've never asked you for anything. But after the crazy years its been and the fact that everyone else is asking, I'm going to throw in my requests. Please try to get as many of these down as you can. They are pertinent as far as ringing in the new year.
-Since I can't seem to do it myself, we finally need to go ahead and get Condoleeza Rice that Extreme Makeover she so desperately needs. It's going on 2006 and it just isn't fair to Madam CJ Walker that ole girl continues to look as bad as she frequently does.
-Take the psuedo careers away from the following people: anyone formerly of B2K, Jessica Alba, Sarah Jessica Parker, Webbie, Trina...fill in the blanks.
-Please inform Mr. Combs that Mr. Smalls has long since been dead. And please inform the Shakur estate that he also has long since been dead. No more posthumous albums this year, please. Just let it go.
-Ban all of those ignant black movies we've had to deal with that make us as a race look very bad. You know the ones, Soul Plane, Hair Show, The Cookout, once again fill in the blanks, I'm sure you've gotten plenty of bootleg DVD requests by now.
-You know those eighteen hundred dollar boots I've been dying for? Yeah, you could really think about hookin me up this year. Just in case you forgot the ones I'm talking about, here's a little reminder. I'm going to figure out how to make that link smaller. You know that Just Click Here thing? Say those aren't the baddest baby's you've ever seen and I will stomp you.
-Refill my liquor cabinet. I would truly appreciate the new flavored Stoli. And of course, a brand new bottle of Johnnie Blue. You know, the one in the blue box. And Jose Cuervo. With the pretty red shot glasses my brother has at his place.
-That um...that other thing we talked about, you can hook me up there too. I'll forget all about the boots if you can do me that one.
-Please find a way for Mariah Carey to be locked away in the Chateau D'If for the rest of her miserable days. Remind folks that if they stop buying her sucky under par albums she'll stop making them.
-Send the memo to the following actors: Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Ahnold, and Sly Stallone...LET IT GO. None of you are twenty-five anymore. There is no need for a Mission: Impossible 3, a Die Hard 4.0, a Terminator 4, a Rocky 6 or another Rambo. You all are too damn old. Your all over forty. Tom, you're marrying your daughter. Whom Nicole Kidman was infinitely hotter than. Grow up. Bruce, you watched your hot ex-wife marry someone who could date your daughter. Grow up. Ahnold, you are a Governor now. You are responsible for running a fake state. Grow up. Sly, you are 60. More than enough reason to let it go. Grow up. You guys are killing me.
I think you and I could be real tight if you could do me a favor and get these small wishes grnated. You are Santa and you make wiushes come true right? So none of this should be too much to ask. Don't worry, if you can make good, I'll stop telling all those kids down at the day care center that you're not real.


Post a Comment

<< Home

MusixZone Harlem: Diary of a Summer
Listen to this album
Listen : Jim Jones , Harlem: Diary of a Summer
Free Guestmap from Free Guestmap from

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take and may this song play all the way, through. And if it skip a beat, hit repeat, this the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. If it skip a beat, hit repeat, This the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. -Juelz Sanatana, This Is Me, What The Game's Been Missing