From Hell
So I was watching that Jonny Depp flick last night...True story? I finally grew the cojones large enough to watch that movie by myself. I was still a kid when it came out so I was creeped when I first saw it and I guess that stuck. But last night I actually sat and watched it. Freakin awesome. And that Johnny Depp...Sigh.
Anywho, today had to be a day straight out of that movie. Worst mood ever. Which is not surprising. I went to the job today, someone has to be there on the weekends so the workers can finish renovating the building (yes, that week we got all that rain, damn skippy the whole building flooded so they had to rip the walls down and pull the floors up, albeit they waited until the shit was moldy to do so) so I didn't really do much but sleep until twelve.
I got home and all hell broke loose. Why is it that when someone says I'm going to the store, I'll be right back, everybody got something for you to get? If I hadn't said anything twelve seconds ago you still would have been sitting there thinking about how good that Sunkist tasted and whether or not you were going to get it until later because you don't want to miss any of the movie.
My original purpose was to hit the beauty supply store and get a ponytail and some gel. Yeah, uh, ain't happenin. Halfway to the front door my mama shouts out wait! I turn back and she done forgot what she wanted. 180, keep going. "Wait! Can you get a loaf of bread?" I give the ok. Almos there, the door-is-so-close..."Wait! Since you're going that way...(Let me just say that I hate this phrase. When translated it means-You're not doing anything special so you can do what I need you to do, because where you are going is blocks away from your actual destination but we're family, right?) can you get me a Philly cheesesteak?"
"Fries?"
"No."
"Ok."
"Wait, yeah, get fries. And a Sprite please."
"Ok."
I can feel it. I have reached out and touched the door, I have my hands on the knob...Eternity is calling my name...
"Wait! Since you're going that way (here we go again) can you go to RiteAid and get an iron?"
"Aything else?"
"No that's it."
"Ok."
"Make sure it's teflon plated!"
So what should have been a five minute trip turned into a half hour excursion. I left out, big shades on, hat down to here, as usual, headed to Jimbo's to place my order. I do so, after three peopel step ahead of me like I'm not standing there. I guess they thought just because I was on the phone I couldn't tell they were skipping ahead of me in line. What the F*CK? I place my order and hop skip to the beauty supply.
When I get there I select my gel and make it to the front where I plan to ask for the hair I need. I reach into my back pocket for the twenty and therein lies my dilemma. I left the moeny in another pair of pants. I ask the clerk to hold onto the gel for me, I'll be right back. I race back up the sreet calling the house. Of course, no one answers. I really need this call to go trough. It does go through the minute I hit my stoop. As if I need someone to buzz me in, like I don't have a key. I'm freakin here now, you idiots.
On the phone, I drop a call (my bad Moni) and try to communicate to the fam just where the mony is located. I'm screaming, "it's in my jeans!" and they're like "no, it's not!" At this point I race my pissed behind upstairs only to realize they were right. As you can recall, I went to the laundromat the other day. The money was still in that sweater.
I'm burning. I run back downstairs, pick up my food, pick up my hair (Beverly Johnson Long and Straight, 1B) and jog across the street to RiteAid. The irons are 19.99, 17.99 and 29.99, respectively. I pick up the 17 dollar one, only for it to cost twenty B's regardless. That sales tax is a real bitch.
Finally, my ordeal is over. I wolfed that sandwich like there was no tomorrow and the itits set in rather quickly. New drink: Welch's Grape Soda. I gotta lay off it though and go back to the tea cuz that damn sugar is breaking my face out. Can't be stylin with bumps on your face. Or as Diddy says, "I ain't want no bumps on my face...I gotta moisterize my situation...preserve my sexy." Laugh out loud.
Anywho, today had to be a day straight out of that movie. Worst mood ever. Which is not surprising. I went to the job today, someone has to be there on the weekends so the workers can finish renovating the building (yes, that week we got all that rain, damn skippy the whole building flooded so they had to rip the walls down and pull the floors up, albeit they waited until the shit was moldy to do so) so I didn't really do much but sleep until twelve.
I got home and all hell broke loose. Why is it that when someone says I'm going to the store, I'll be right back, everybody got something for you to get? If I hadn't said anything twelve seconds ago you still would have been sitting there thinking about how good that Sunkist tasted and whether or not you were going to get it until later because you don't want to miss any of the movie.
My original purpose was to hit the beauty supply store and get a ponytail and some gel. Yeah, uh, ain't happenin. Halfway to the front door my mama shouts out wait! I turn back and she done forgot what she wanted. 180, keep going. "Wait! Can you get a loaf of bread?" I give the ok. Almos there, the door-is-so-close..."Wait! Since you're going that way...(Let me just say that I hate this phrase. When translated it means-You're not doing anything special so you can do what I need you to do, because where you are going is blocks away from your actual destination but we're family, right?) can you get me a Philly cheesesteak?"
"Fries?"
"No."
"Ok."
"Wait, yeah, get fries. And a Sprite please."
"Ok."
I can feel it. I have reached out and touched the door, I have my hands on the knob...Eternity is calling my name...
"Wait! Since you're going that way (here we go again) can you go to RiteAid and get an iron?"
"Aything else?"
"No that's it."
"Ok."
"Make sure it's teflon plated!"
So what should have been a five minute trip turned into a half hour excursion. I left out, big shades on, hat down to here, as usual, headed to Jimbo's to place my order. I do so, after three peopel step ahead of me like I'm not standing there. I guess they thought just because I was on the phone I couldn't tell they were skipping ahead of me in line. What the F*CK? I place my order and hop skip to the beauty supply.
When I get there I select my gel and make it to the front where I plan to ask for the hair I need. I reach into my back pocket for the twenty and therein lies my dilemma. I left the moeny in another pair of pants. I ask the clerk to hold onto the gel for me, I'll be right back. I race back up the sreet calling the house. Of course, no one answers. I really need this call to go trough. It does go through the minute I hit my stoop. As if I need someone to buzz me in, like I don't have a key. I'm freakin here now, you idiots.
On the phone, I drop a call (my bad Moni) and try to communicate to the fam just where the mony is located. I'm screaming, "it's in my jeans!" and they're like "no, it's not!" At this point I race my pissed behind upstairs only to realize they were right. As you can recall, I went to the laundromat the other day. The money was still in that sweater.
I'm burning. I run back downstairs, pick up my food, pick up my hair (Beverly Johnson Long and Straight, 1B) and jog across the street to RiteAid. The irons are 19.99, 17.99 and 29.99, respectively. I pick up the 17 dollar one, only for it to cost twenty B's regardless. That sales tax is a real bitch.
Finally, my ordeal is over. I wolfed that sandwich like there was no tomorrow and the itits set in rather quickly. New drink: Welch's Grape Soda. I gotta lay off it though and go back to the tea cuz that damn sugar is breaking my face out. Can't be stylin with bumps on your face. Or as Diddy says, "I ain't want no bumps on my face...I gotta moisterize my situation...preserve my sexy." Laugh out loud.
posted by Jacki Simmons at 12:46 AM
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