HEY!!!

It's fitt'na be da weekend so I had to make sure I got you guys a weekend update. My life as follows:
Friday afternoon: Deposit check, sleep before work.
Friday night: Got to work. BS around for a couple of hours since I already got my check for this
week.
Saturday morning: Go to rescheduled hair appointment; basketball game; shopping for a fitted.
Saturday night: Hasn't been negotiated yet.
Sunday morning: Wake my ass up and travel ten miles out of my way at nine o' f*cking clock in the morning for a mandatory meeting that includes receiving associates. (aka ME)
Sunday afternoon: Business meeting with Lacey at three pm.
Sunday evening: Gettin jiggy to go chill with my homegirl because her and her long time "friend" have finally made it official.

So as you see, I'm going to be quite busy so if it's not super important, please don't call, text, email, or otherwise bother me until Monday morning. Happy early Independence Day. Am I going to see the fireworks? Yes I am.

Just Popping In To Say...

RIP Eddie

If you recall, Eddie (real name Moose) played Martin Crane's loveable dog on the long running series (and one of my all time favorite shows) Frasier.

Just Popping In To Say...

RIP Pierce Marshall (son of Anna Nicole Smith's late husband)
Patty Ramsey (JonBenet Ramsey's mother)
Aaron Spelling (Tori Spelling's father)
Claydes Charles Smith (guitarist of Kool and the Gang)

As the list is so long today I will not be posting pictures.

Posion Ivy by Travis Fox

For those of you who have been there since the very beginning when Batman references were very scarce, here is a chance to rejoice. Poison Ivy is finally available for pre-order before its release in November. Please click the link and get ya order on! Support a black author, niggas.
As far as my own damn book, sheesh, I'm promotin more of his sh*t than my own, lol. Anywho, I will give the details as they are available to me. Just keep reppin me and all that good stuff.

What Kinda Foolishness?

The original purpose of the prom was your coming out party. You were to find that high school mate and run away together as soon as the two of you graduated; settle down like the Suzy Homemaker your mother was and live happily ever ater. Whether or not your husband became a drunk after the birth of your second child lay solely on your shoulders.
I'm all for kids enjoying that one last night with people they may never see again. But this is taking it a bit far:

and there's more...

(see the rest at Crunk+Disorderly) This sh*t disturbs me. Why does the chick in the top look like she is auditioning for the Fanta Girls? This is exactly why I'm glad I missed my prom. Yes, you heard me: I'm glad I missed my prom. I stayed home of my own volition. There was no way I was going to spend four hours in a crowded room with people I didn't want to see ever again. And no liquor? Were they kidding?
Our (their) prom was at some hotel in the Bronx from 8-12. And again, no liquor. So basically it was a birthday party. A prom is from 8 until. A birthday party ends at midnight. It's like my cousin Nieta had her Sweet Sixteen and since she can't drink alcohol yet she's taking pictures with her mother's half empty bottle of Corona but she's not actually drinking it because she wants to look cool when she shows the pictures to her not-so-cool friends at school who were not invited becuase there wasn't enough space in Uncle Flaco's yard to house all fifty-six of her rowdy ass classmates.
As you can see, I'm not actually concerned with the prom at all, just with the lack of spirits. How is one supposed to enjoy themselves when there is no wet bar? I've enver gone anywhere where I couldn't immediately go in the corner and say the words "Bartender, make me a..." My mother's wedding? twsited. Moni's wedding? Twisted. If my godbrother ever actually sits down and marries that cow? Mad twisted for the announcement and super twisted for the actual ceremony.
I can't wait for my daughters/sons prom. They're gonna be fly as hell, to be sure, but they're gonna be classy as well. If my son goes to the shop and pulls down some sh*t that's gonna have him lookin like Deion Sanders, I'm gonna pimp slap him and make him put it back. And likewise, if my daughter tries to play herself and come out looking like the second coming of Lil Kim, she's gonna get a "hell to the naw" and a oops upside her head.
Gem for the evening: When you do it, do it right, peoples.

Miscellaneous Thoughts, Early Morning Celebrity Edition 3

Now that Jacob the Jeweler has been outed, can any of us say we were really surprised? I mean come on, his number one clients are "ex" hustlers. When you make close personal friends with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and Lil Kim, there is definitely more going on than just diamond setting. And it was always my dream to get some Jacob ice... Damn.

Does Britney Spears' second pregancy count as cruel and unusual punishment for the rest of us? Do the words "unfit parent" mean anything to you? If she keeps going like this, she'll be tied with Kelly Ripa for most pregnancies in a single year. Poor you, Kevin. That money can't go to your "Keep Me A Wannabe Nigga" fund. I see even more Similac and Huggies in your future, pal...

So Mo'Nique confessed to us that she and her new husband have an open marriage. Is she afraid that that's the only way a man will love her, is if she lets him sleep with other women? I'm sure this method would have worked for Halle Berry but Mo, I thought you had way more respect for yourself, sis.

The Barely Entertaining Television Awards are going to be three hours long agan this year. Guess who's opening? You got it, Beyonce. As if we're not tired of seeing her by now. No, of course not. We can handle yet another over weaved, over dyed, ovverrated dose of Ms. B. Like the new song, though. Looks like te only reason tow atch (as usual) is going to be the host.

Nick Cannon is worried about his alleged sex tape getting out. What for? Methinks thou should be more worried about your album getting out, buddy.

Jay-Z banned Cristal form his club after a few offensive statements were made regarding the frivolous mentions of the popular liquor in various hip hop songs. Good for you, Hov. (Let me clarify, if you did hear the statements, they were not amde by the company owner. They were made by a reporter and incorrectly tributed to him.) But honestly, does it matter? Champagne is for people who can't handle real liquor anyway. Ovverrated and insanely expensive ginger ale. Now if he banned Johnnie W., we might have us a problem Jigga. And shouldn't he be busy endorsing Armandale anyway?

Now I'm pissed that I'm missing the second season of Run's House, so could somebody Fill Me In (sings like Craig David) please? All I know is that Justine is pregnant (as if they are trying to make an expansion team or something because there is already like 50eleven of them niggas) and they are writing that into the show.

Josh Lucas (who you may rememeber from the recent bad remake of The Poseidon Adventure) is tired of being single. Well maybe you want to do something about that face, bro. He claims Hollywood is the reason behind his loneliness and that he is so busy making movies that he can't settle down. Nigga, do you even have an IMDB page? As I recall, you don't have to take the roles, dumb dumb.

If you know me at all, you know I love Sandra Bullock. But THIS is taking it too far. WHy in Satan's red hell do people wait so long? Are you trying to let death raise your children? WTF? There was nothing wrong with your ovaries ten years ago when normal humans usually have kids. Oh wait, I forgot... White folks have that "enjoy life" thing. They wait until they become nonagenarians before they enjoy parenthood. By the time their kids make it to twenty-five, they're dead. I wish I would call myself getting pregnant at 40.

Is anyone elese going to see Waist Deep solely for Tyrese? I thought so. That Meagen Good never quite did it for me. She is very attractive, to be sure. But the acting skills... She's the same in every movie I've ever seen her in. (These by the way: Biker Boyz, You Got Served, yes I did go see that sh*t, and Roll Bounce.) I hope this is her breakout role or something because she needs a hit and bad.

Who the f*ck is Gucci Mane?

Funniest Blog of the Moment: Nah Right

I'll be back in a lil bit, goin to chill wit my shorty for a lil minute today. See ya'll when I see and don't do nothin I wouldn't do, aight? Stay up.

Happy Daddy Day!!

You know I always have to kill the spirit with something to think about so the following is (I'm not sure how true it is so don't fault me) the story behind Father's Day:

Mrs. John B. Dodd, of Washington, first proposed the idea of a "father's day" in 1909. Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart. William Smart, a Civil War veteran, was widowed when his wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died in childbirth with their sixth child. Mr. Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in eastern Washington state. It was after Mrs. Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single parent.

The first Father's Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane Washington. At about the same time in various towns and cities across American other people were beginning to celebrate a "father's day." In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day. Finally in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father's Day.

Father's Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all honored on Father's Day.

So cheers to you guys: Mike (xoxo) Tah, Tony, G, Nikki, Doddy, Michael B., Michael K. and Michael F., Rich, Mookie, Pooch, Tea, Chaz, Jimmy, Renaldo, Xavier, Harold, Ed, Eddie, Donovan, Grant, Piff, Jodell, Lil JuJu and Scrap. Whew! Enjoy your day, guys.

Baby I'm Back

Guess who's getting out early for good behavior?


None other than La Bella Mafia in the freakin flesh. Yeah, I couldn't believe it my damn self. I had to check up on all the local hot spots to see if it were true. I only believe half of what I see and none of what I hear so this is going to be quite interesting come the 4th of July. Oh here come the fireworks...

Please Don't Let Me Forget

Real quick... I don't remember if I said this already but, if you plan on attending the HBF (Harlem Book Fair) with me and the crew this year, just remember that we are renting a car, and there are three seats left. It's on July 22, 206. That means there is a month for you to make up your minds. (And a month for you to help me figure out what goes into the Jacki Simons Experience Package...)

Sigh...

Now as you all know, I am against gays but I am also against gay bashing, the violent type. But Judas H. Priest...

Singer Kevin Aviance Beaten in NYC

A singer whose songs have topped the Billboard dance chart was attacked by a group yelling anti-gay slurs, and four people were arrested on hate-crime charges, police and his publicist said.

Kevin Aviance, 38, underwent surgery for a broken jaw after the attack Saturday, said his publicist, Len Evans. Police said the singer, whose song "Alive" hit the top of the chart in 2002, was in stable condition.

A group of six or seven men attacked Aviance early Saturday, and passers-by did not stop to help as they threw objects at him, Evans said.

Four people were arrested on charges of first-degree assault as a hate crime, police said. They were identified as Jarell Sears and Akino George, both 20; Gregory Archie, 18; and Gerard Johnson, 16.

Aviance performs in drag but was "dressed like a boy" when he was attacked, Evans said. He had planned to take part in next week's Gay Pride parade and festivities, but will now be unable to perform, the publicist said.

Other popular songs by the singer have included "Give It Up," released in 2004, and "Din Da Da," which topped the Billboard dance chart in 1997.

One of these days... Just one of these hap-happy days...

See What Had Happened Was...

Damn, I'm almost ashamed to be posting. What has it been, like a week and change? WOW... Ten days Tah has just informed me... Sorry about that. I haven't been getting much sleep in the day time. I don't understand why people can't give you the consideration you give them when it's time for them to be asleep. I get home from work, I want to crash, man. I don't want to have conversations and smile and be cordial and sh*t. I want to strip down and sleep like there's no tomorrow. Albeit what with my hours, tomorrow is technically today since I come home and go back to work in the same day...Does that make sense? Okay, good.
Heard from Lacey few days ago. We're meeting up for a power lunch in the next couple of weeks to discuss important angles the book is going in. The irony of it was that I was just on my way to ask how she was and when we were meeting up when I opened the email. I'm looking forward to it, so far I have a few good ideas that I want to throw her way and being as she's been in the game a bit longer than I have, I'm sure she can bounce a few suggesstions off me. Should be interesting. And then the book club that introduced me to the wide world of literary art is having a meet and greet with some of the familiar members. Can one of my New Yorkers scope out Dave and Buster's for me?
OH! Monica, I finalyl know that American Eagle store we were talking about waaaaaaaay back. The girls and I went on an all day escapade and I bumped into it on 34th street. I swear, I never heard of the place before you said something. How finals and all that coming along? And your mini vacation? Keep me posted.
Sidebar: Don't you just hate it when somebody says I'm gonna pay you back when I get my check and all of a sudden, they're no longer on the weekly pay roster or something? Hmm...
So Babies R Us is decent. It's a lot of work and a lot of patience and a lot of bullsh*t, but I could really care less about all that seeing as I get paid every week. I've been spending my checks like water up until now, but I realize I have to start saving and doing the adult thing.
I've now got rent to pay, a car to buy, a man to think about, bills; sh*t like that makes me wish I were back in eighth grade when the least of my problems was figuring out whether or not Sammy Gleason was serious when he sent that "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe" letter on Tuesday. I quit smoking and after a week there got right back on it so what does that tell you? But I have improved, I've gone from longs to shorts. I'm not sure how long that's going to last, but still...It's an improvement, damnit.
Funny story: There was no truck Thursday night and our HR Supervisor was locked in with us (yes, the overnight crew gets locked in). Let me tell you, the nights when a truck doesn't come in are some of the most boring nights we will ever have. Once the enitre store is handled, there is literally othing to do but stand around. It's boring as sh*t. I had given my supervisor, who we'll call Sara, a perm in her office an hour earlier and it came out looking pretty good. I was shocked and amazed at my own damn self. So we're in the breakroom lounging and loafing when ya girl has a brilliant idea: Hey, we should play some double dutch. Here's how it goes down:
S: Ya'll got any rope in the stockroom?
J: (that question is directed at me since the apparel stockroom is my turf) Not really rope, more like twine. But I don't think it's thick enough.
M: We could double it up.
J: Yeah, but there's not enough so we would end up with a rope that's too short.
All: Hmm...
S: What about the phone cords?
(We all look...)
So to make a hour long story short, we unhooked the phone cords in the breakroom and the stockroom and jumped double dutch for the duration of our break. Say it with me: RECKLESS. It was the sh*t, we even got the guys to jump with us. I wondered come Friday night whether or not we would have jobs. One of my fellow coworkers politely pointed out that we were on our break and while there is a clause against personal calls, sex, and cell phones, there is nothing that says we can't jump double dutch. She makes a very valid point.
(Another sidebar: Why in the hell does Fatboy wait until the middle of the night to get active, chasing around a piece of ripped paper like it's the goddamn riddle to crack the Da Vinci Code or something?)
Speaking of which, my girlfriends and I went to see The Da Vinci Code last week and let me be te first to tell you, the critics are not always rght. It seems to me that the ones with the most problems were the ones who obviously didn't read the book, as with A Series of Unfortunate Events.
(Yet another sidebar: I'm having a bangin ass birthday party this year. I'm planning it right now, no lie. I think after the sucky year I had last year and the year this is turning out to be, I deserve that sh*t, don't you? Yes, please let me know if your asses plan on attending so I can get the guest list ready now. You know my cell, you know my chirp, you know my email... Hit me up so we can do the damn thing.)

Peace for now.

Update

¿Qué se está encendiendo, mi familia? (And for the language impaired): Wassup my peoples!!?? Ya girl is back in full effect, ya heard me? Honey Dip is back on her grind again, and I got my swagger back, big time. I know, it's kinda hard to believe, after ll that sh*t I put ya'll through with the depression, I promise I won't do that again. I'm on my MON sh*t big time, so you ain't never gone hear about lil mama cryin over some nigga that ain't payin her rent. Ya'll know that ain't my steelo and that sh*t was not a good look.
So what's goin on? I missed ya'll and I know ya'll missed the regular posts and all that. Since I'm working the graveyard shift (if you ain't know, now you know, Monday through Friday; 10pm-6am) I'm going to try and post at least once a week and keep ya'll up on what's going on in the world of HD.
I'm making some changes in my life, big time business moves. Yes, it does have something to so with The D Word. No I can't tell you about it here. If you give me a call or leave me a message I'll get back to you and tell you what's good. I said I quit smoking... Yeah that lasted about three days. Then I got right back stressed out again. I realize that the cold turkey thing is not going to work. I'm going to have to wean myself off one day at a time. And for me, not because everyone else keeps saying 'girl, you gotta quit smoking.' I must say I really do appreciate you guys support though. Ya'll have been real with me and I need that in my life, feel me?
Annnnnnywho... I'm fittin'a hop in the shower and wash my ass before I go... ahem... go to work... I'll get at ya'll in a little bit.
Do me a favor and show me some love on the Myspace tip? Thanx. Click the link, geniuses.