Saturday, December 03, 2005

...Now You Know

I just finished having one hell of an annoying conversation. If I hear one more person tell me their perceptions (incorrectly I might add) about me I'm going to have a mother f*cking meltdown. So let me dispell all the myths and you can hear the real me straight, no chaser.
Best place to start is the very beginning. I was born a Libra. Honestly, I don't know what the f*ck that means. Just a bunch of star reading bullsh*t. I was happy once. Long time ago. I used to give a f*ck about other people, I used to have a conscience. I made friends left and right and I thought it couldn't get any better. And then a series of unfortunate events caused me to see that the only person you can give a f*ck about is numero uno. I put trust in people, gave love to people, made space in my life for people. And I was sh*t on. You think I'm going through that bullsh*t again you're crazy.
So now there are a select few people in my life that I trust with my personal sh*t. Besides my mama they are:
Lazy and Tah: My brother and sister. They know me like the backs of their hands. When all else fails I know I have them to fall back on. Only person that loves me more than they do is my mama.
Dre and Jazz: I've known these two since the beginning of high school. They've been down for me since day one and have proven themselves time and time again. They hold me down like no other.
Monica: Surprisingly, just when I thought I couldn't get any further away from members of my own gender, I met Mo. Hands down the coolest, realest chick I know.
Bats: Honestly, this cat knows more about me than most. I've told him things I haven't told a soul alive. When you can trust someone like that, you know they got your back.
I do not venture into the world of acquaintances beyond these. I do not trust anyone because the minute you do, you get stepped on and all your sh*t is f*cked up. I'm not dealing with it, that simple. Cross me and its going to be on you, straight up. I use the word friend very lightly. Like love, that word is used to mask the true intentions of a liar.
Wrapping that up, life experience has made me the way I am. I would love to smile, have a laugh now and then. That would be great. But the minute you take the face off you have to swim through a sea of phonies to ge to the real. So the face stays on. I don't like getting close to people because what happens when you do? See previous paragraph. Family, friends, men, all of them. You open up and get your sh*t ripped up. One too many times and you can't put it back together.
I'm not a people person either, as every one knows. Why? Once again, you become a people person, it would mean having to get to know a person. To get to know someone you must open up in a way. You open up and....finish it for me.
So I'm cold. So f*cking what. I also have plenty of other good qualities. I only let in who I want to let in. I can't afford to have any fake people in my life so now I pick and choose very carefully just who I become close to. I had to cut too many people out of my life. There is nothing worse than a phony. Be real with me or stay away from me. You don't like me that's not my problem. Really, its not. I like the way I am. I don't have a problem with me, you do. Either get with the program or move on. Trust, you're not hurting my feelings. I'm not a bitch. Maybe on special occasions. I'm careful.
I'm glad I got that out. I feel better. So how was ya'lls day?

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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take and may this song play all the way, through. And if it skip a beat, hit repeat, this the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. If it skip a beat, hit repeat, This the realest shit I ever wrote, this is me. -Juelz Sanatana, This Is Me, What The Game's Been Missing